He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
