I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
