Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
