I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
