Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
well you can't waste a boner
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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