he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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