Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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