Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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