you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
