U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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