how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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