I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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