if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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