She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
