it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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