Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
