lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
