I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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