my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
