I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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