i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize