I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
