he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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