All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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