Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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