Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
