you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
