I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
