i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My life is pants optional.
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