My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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