Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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