I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
