he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
