Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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