the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
