HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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