I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
