i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
