Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
