to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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