I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
