so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
