were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
