So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
