dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
