see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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