I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
