Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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