WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
