can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
