I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
