so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
