I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
