Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
