where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
