I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
