babies were throwing up all over the place
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
