The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
